The Price of Guilt

 Some religious concepts promote the experience of guilt that lead to emotional and cognitive suffering. The ideal of sacrificing yourself in order to save someone else is widely accepted for instance in Christianity. However, what good does this really do for us, especially if we are raising a sensitive, young mind, hungry for answers and guidance?

What can a youthful, receptive and curious individual take from the Example of the death of Christ? You may say – this is an example of unselfishness, the best way to teach altruism. Achieving freedom trough sacrifice, suffering and death – there are many examples of Saints and “Holy individuals” –  strengthens the believe and create the hope, that it is possible for  someone to “save” his family or loved ones by taking responsibility from them, for them. The child or adult may be convinced that he is able to “accept” the death, disease or any other misfortune from his family and die, suffer instead of them. The believe that you can “pay” God for something that you believe is sin, which also belongs to someone else by being sick, unhappy and dying is still common today. Nevertheless, we have to realize that this prejudice does not serve us; it can only harm the people we love and care about. The fact that we think it is enough to suffer and get sick and die in order to save someone may be seen as a lack of respect and confidence in the other’s person ability to take responsibility and restore the harmony. It can also be escape from the current situation or dynamic, which we do not know how to deal with.

 

This redemption is actually showing our natural predisposition to balance and harmony. It is unconscious. It can take the joy from your life; it can freeze you, living you passive and angry. Often a woman who loses her child, in any circumstances, is trying to “punish” herself by developing a deadly disease or by ending the relationship with the father, her partner or avoid any future relationships. Another example of “paying for the sins of others” is the following, which unfortunately is not so rare. A woman puts her mother in an institution instead of taking care of her. After a few days, one of her daughters develops anorexia and starts to volunteer in those same types of institutions, taking care of seniors. What is interesting is that nobody in the family, including the daughter saw a connection between the two events. One of the siblings is born with serious facial deformations and living her life joyfully, happily married with kids. The other sibling ca not escape the guilt of “being normal”, going trough life, destroying marriage after marriage, afraid to be parent, trying to “fill the gap” with pills and alcohol. Rejecting your own parents, not knowing how to forgive, opens the way to serous diseases, painful addictions and self-distraction.

There are countless examples of how our bodies and family systems react to everyday events and give us signs of our imbalanced living.

The only way to restore the harmony is realizing the gift of life. Appreciating and accepting the miracle of existence.  The guilt is not in the now. It is associated with the past. It is an illusion. It cannot live without your energy and constant attention. Nobody is perfect. We learn trough our mistakes, we evolve by doing better, when we know better.  Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself. A blissful You is your best gift to the world.

 

How to deal with fear

This is our trap. We need it, we hold on to it. It is voluntary slavery. Why voluntary? Because we do not want to be free and make the effort. It is a lifelong journey of awareness, but the good news is that we do not have to fight for our freedom; we just have to understand the substance of our apprehensions, and take a fresh look at life and ourselves. The reward is – growth, constant evolving, creating your dreams.

Fear is your only obstacle in achieving the freedom you desire to see in your work, social life, love, education. It is ironic that all those areas in life require mistakes, this is “normal life”, we need them, and we need a good variety of them.

The formula is simple – do what you are most afraid of doing. Start with the least effort; do not go for the sky diving first. Seek support. The only way to decrease your fear is by increasing the parameters of your freedom. Do it repeatedly, in a variety of ways, practice makes perfect.

The other very important part of the formula is – you are not a slave for sale. Do not allow anybody to put a price tag on you, even your boss, your community or significant other. You still can play the game, following the rules, but take your soul of the market. Feed your dignity, feel alive. Learn how not to be liked. Sounds scary? In practical life we need to learn how not to be liked, the same way we learn how to be likeable for others. Think about it – there are many people probably you, yourself are not a fan of, but they are living their life happily, learn how to do exactly that. Stretch your imagination, be flexible, play more, role-play with your friends, or be the only actor. Practice your behavior, your brave tone- find your fearless voice, it is somewhere there, waiting to appear on the palette of self-creation. Do not forget to acknowledge the little kid inside of you, let him just have fun and be silly. Realize that we all have this little one, remember that in your communications, and make every interaction a learning experience. Look for the kid in the person facing you, let your own child to be the explorer of the inner and outer world. Something feels risky? Expand the areas of your risks – it means development, it means success.

 

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