The Price of Guilt

 Some religious concepts promote the experience of guilt that lead to emotional and cognitive suffering. The ideal of sacrificing yourself in order to save someone else is widely accepted for instance in Christianity. However, what good does this really do for us, especially if we are raising a sensitive, young mind, hungry for answers and guidance?

What can a youthful, receptive and curious individual take from the Example of the death of Christ? You may say – this is an example of unselfishness, the best way to teach altruism. Achieving freedom trough sacrifice, suffering and death – there are many examples of Saints and “Holy individuals” –  strengthens the believe and create the hope, that it is possible for  someone to “save” his family or loved ones by taking responsibility from them, for them. The child or adult may be convinced that he is able to “accept” the death, disease or any other misfortune from his family and die, suffer instead of them. The believe that you can “pay” God for something that you believe is sin, which also belongs to someone else by being sick, unhappy and dying is still common today. Nevertheless, we have to realize that this prejudice does not serve us; it can only harm the people we love and care about. The fact that we think it is enough to suffer and get sick and die in order to save someone may be seen as a lack of respect and confidence in the other’s person ability to take responsibility and restore the harmony. It can also be escape from the current situation or dynamic, which we do not know how to deal with.

 

This redemption is actually showing our natural predisposition to balance and harmony. It is unconscious. It can take the joy from your life; it can freeze you, living you passive and angry. Often a woman who loses her child, in any circumstances, is trying to “punish” herself by developing a deadly disease or by ending the relationship with the father, her partner or avoid any future relationships. Another example of “paying for the sins of others” is the following, which unfortunately is not so rare. A woman puts her mother in an institution instead of taking care of her. After a few days, one of her daughters develops anorexia and starts to volunteer in those same types of institutions, taking care of seniors. What is interesting is that nobody in the family, including the daughter saw a connection between the two events. One of the siblings is born with serious facial deformations and living her life joyfully, happily married with kids. The other sibling ca not escape the guilt of “being normal”, going trough life, destroying marriage after marriage, afraid to be parent, trying to “fill the gap” with pills and alcohol. Rejecting your own parents, not knowing how to forgive, opens the way to serous diseases, painful addictions and self-distraction.

There are countless examples of how our bodies and family systems react to everyday events and give us signs of our imbalanced living.

The only way to restore the harmony is realizing the gift of life. Appreciating and accepting the miracle of existence.  The guilt is not in the now. It is associated with the past. It is an illusion. It cannot live without your energy and constant attention. Nobody is perfect. We learn trough our mistakes, we evolve by doing better, when we know better.  Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself. A blissful You is your best gift to the world.

 

Psychology or Spirituality?

Psychologists explore different spheres of human activities – from obvious human behavior to hidden emotions, and cognition. The word Psychology originates from the Greek “Psyche” – meaning mind, soul, spirit, breath, and “Logos”- meaning study, research. “Study of the soul, spirit”. It is safe to say that psychology is concerned with the human being and everything that comes with it. Spirituality is much broader than the concept of religion, which is focused on prescribed beliefs and rituals. Spirituality is our need to search for significance and connection with others and the transcendent force of the Universe. Many are helped to discover their spirituality through the guidance of religion, but many others have allowed unpleasant experiences with religion to cause them to neglect their spiritual development. This development emphasizes humanistic ideas on qualities such as love, compassion, tolerance, patience, forgiveness, responsibility, harmony, contentment and concern for others. These spiritual values or psychological needs are as important as the satisfaction of our thirst, hunger, and sexual yearnings. I believe we are all born spiritual psychologists in our minds and hearts. Without exception, we all want to understand our own life, the everyday issues of love, loneliness, suffering and death. We strive for harmony and meaning. We recognize that the human species is just one of more than a million species in the world. Our time on Earth is limited as with other living creatures. Life is a voyage to Death, no matter what one’s race, religion or social standing. We all are heading toward the same inevitable place. Each of us is confronted with social environment that leaves us frustrated and plagued by unjust laws and social barriers. Psychology helps us to focus on forces inside us that we can become aware of and control eventually. Let us remind ourselves that not everything in Life is controllable and not all of Life’s questions are answerable. Uncertainty, mystery, and suffering are our eternal companions. The Miracle of self-reflection, the realization of Life’s totality, not merely one’s patterns of unconscious conflicts, or thoughts and feelings, happens when we open up and share, equally amerced in the search for answers. Equally vulnerable. “All is flux, nothing remains the same, nothing endures but change.” So wrote the Greek philosopher Heraclitus. Openness to change is essential for our wellbeing. Nature’s gift is our ability to be flexible, to change gracefully, to modify habitual behaviors and to grow. Every character is capable of intellectual, emotional or spiritual evolution. One encouraging truth about the turbulent times in which we live is that – Nobody knows what to do next. This makes us more equal than we have ever been before. Curiously enough, the beauty is that you never know from what direction the answers will come, so pay kind attention to everyone you meet along the way.